My wife and I have entered marriage counseling. It’s my last-ditch effort of trying to salvage a marriage I would otherwise walk away from. Even though I made a vow to stay together through “sickness and in health,” there is no way I can honor that commitment if things continue the way they have been.
This is my second marriage. Like other people in the world, we came together and blended our families. I have three children from a previous marriage and she has two. We immediately became step-parents.
Not long after we all began living under one roof, the trouble between us began. Ellen, my wife, began screaming and finding fault with the children, both hers and mine. I found myself intervening almost every evening which only leads to arguments between us. If that isn’t enough stress, Ellen has become suspicious about any money that is spent. She doesn’t want the responsibility of managing the household, but she wants to go over the bank statements with a fine-tooth comb. At times, she’s claimed I’m hiding money – or worse – stealing it. Ellen’s behavior is abusive and ridiculous.
When there is peace in the house, she finds a reason to stomp around, slam doors and disturb the household. The sudden burst of anger is enough to send me walking. She’s looking for attention even if it’s negative. Ellen has begun locking herself in our bedroom to either stay away from the responsibilities of the children, or to punish me or the children. I find myself looking forward to the time she’s spending locked away in the room by herself. The children are relieved, too.
Ellen doesn’t always act like a monster. There are, on occasion, signs of someone nice and genuine. That’s why I married her. It doesn’t last long though. In between the decent times and the bad times, Ellen spouts reasons of entitlement for her behavior rather than apologizing.
Her children have asked to live with their father, who is not the nicest person, but compared to her, he is. My children are crying most of the time and asking me to leave with them. We all dread being around her.
Will Ellen and I work things out together and with our children? Will Ellen improve? I know it takes time, but I don’t feel there is much time left. Henry – 09/19/1980 | Ellen – 10/02/1982
I’m sorry that you and the children are living under these conditions. No one deserves to be treated this way regardless of any reasons given for the bad behavior.
It’s a good thing you are going to counseling as this is a way for you to personally feel secure in your decision about the marriage. Henry, your wife’s behavior will not improve, nor will it change. You will find the same patterns of behavior merely repeating itself.
Between right now and March 2018, you will separate from one another. I wish I could say it in a softer way, but I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you. I do not any reconciliation between the two of you. It is as though there is an incredible distance between you both.
By the time October to December of 2018 comes around, you will have legally severed the marriage.
Many blessings to you.